Fatherhood and All That

Fatherhood? Daddy?!? Are these really words that are going to be applied to me in the next 6 months? There are times that I feel like everything is coming together and that this all feels natural, but I’ll be honest, those moments are much more the exception than the rule.

OMG we’re having a baby and it’s going to change EVERYTHING!!!

I feel like I just got used to being married. Seriously, Nicki and I only started living together about 1 month before we got married in June 2010 (remember that?). And between us having to figure out how to co-habitate with another human being again and it being my intern year in residency, it wasn’t terribly easy on us. But by God we got through it, learned to make each other happy and learned to only fight when it’s really important (I think!). 2010-11 was a big year for us in the “growing and learning” department.

So a baby seems like the right choice, right? Nicki and I have always been super excited about raising a family together so since we’ve finally gotten our feet under us, we figured there was no time like the present. And present was exactly what we meant apparently because I think we succeeded on the first opportunity. I think our biological clocks must be timed perfectly or something. Which has been good and also weird for me. I think I was expecting to have some time to get used to the idea that I was actually attempting to sire an offspring and put a little more of myself out in the world. I didn’t really get it. Nicki pointed out that I wasn’t really convinced until I saw the ultrasound, which I hear is kind of common for a lot of new dad’s (thank goodness I’m not alone in this), and she’s absolutely right. I really feel like it’s only begun to become a reality for me in the past few weeks.

But I’m beginning to see the good in all this. I do like holding babies (Carrie, I have gotten much better at this since Tate was born), and poopy diapers don’t scare me. And now that I think about it, I’m going to have a group of kids in my life that I’m going to be able to teach all kinds of neat things to as they get older. I mean, no daughter or mine is not going to know how to change her own oil. I guess I’m just slow to accept change, because I can never say for sure if what’s coming will be as good as what I’ve got now. I did this when I went away to college, when I got new roommates, when the Vark and I got married, and I guess it shouldn’t surprise me too much that I’m doing it now. I don’t know what the future is going to hold for us and this kid! But it will probably be pretty good, and I don’t have any real reason to doubt it. I just don’t feel all that fatherly yet.

More to come!